Fake it Until you Make it

As one of my professors said to us: "Fake it until you make it!" meaning...go into the therapy room and act as if...we ARE the 'experts' (even though we're not really coming totally from that perspective, but in the clients eyes, we may be seen that way) and even if, as new therapists, we don't FEEL like we know what we're doing....we have to fake it. There was a book posted on FB about the fumblings of new therapists; it's called The 7 Deadly Sins of the Rookie Therapist. I should probably read it to make sure I'm not...doing all 7 of them.

My point is, I've "made" it! The other day I was offered a position as an Adjunct Therapist at the site I've been interning at since the summer of 2010. Yay! I love it there and had secretly been wishing there was a way I could stay on once I graduate. Here it is! I'm pretty happy about the opportunity (and the fact that I'll be paid for these hours!) I will continue working in marketing research (going back full time once I graduate) while I look an opportunity in the therapy field (being an adjunct is not a full time position, so I will need something else). I'll be working lots, of course, but the good news is I'll be making a little bit of money (and hopefully more than I'm making now, which shouldn't be hard!)

Just wanted to share the good news!

Inbetween Moments

This morning, as I sat in my robe and drank my coffee as Bob headed out the door, I realized how much I enjoy the hour between when he heads out the door and when I head out the door...a mini 'Me' time, even though it is spent getting ready for work. I am alone (well, the cat would disagree) and I am preparing for the day. I generally go on the computer in-between getting dressed, making lunch, blow drying my hair, etc...

I don't get much time to be alone. On the days Bob works, I am alone for the hour between when he leaves and I leave, and typically the other time I'm alone during the week (aside from being in my car going from place to place) is Sunday afternoons. At this time, Bob will take a nap, and I usually leave the house to give him some peace and quiet. Our apartment is no more than 600 square feet, so you can't really 'go in the other room' here. Sunday afternoons I set out, sometimes without a destination, sometimes with a stop or two. The stop or two often turns into more of an adventure, as one feeling becomes the next and I get inspired to go here or there. I like these adventures! I'm thinking that the next time I have a Sunday Afternoon to Myself, I might want to have more of a plan - something new to explore or something maybe just for me. :)

Anyway. Just some thoughts during my Me Time.

Have a good day!

The Happiness Project

I'm thoroughly enjoying this book by Gretchen Rubin. I've seen it all over the place lately and discovered that I could borrow it from the library via Kindle! I have it for two weeks, so I'm plowing through. GR has some really great ideas; the question that keeps popping up in my mind as I read is...how does she have TIME for all of these resolutions, as the mother of two small children and a writer on the side? She doesn't stay up late, because one of her resolutions is to go to bed early :) And, how does she remember what they are? (She has monthly resolutions, and also has a chart).

A few that have stuck out for me:

Do good, feel good
If it can be done in less than one minute, do it now!
Extreme Nice :)
Bring people together
Make 3 new friends
Be a treasure house of happy memories
Make time for play
If you can't get out of something, get into it (submitted by one of her blog readers)

The chapter on money made me uncomfortable, so I should probably read that one a few times, ha ha! She says her family is financially comfortable, so her attempts to "spend out" didn't necessarily resonate totally with me (I'm far from financially comfortable, so I won't be writing checks to organizations I'm fond of quite yet. That's certainly a charitable and thoughtful act I can aspire to one day!) She discusses 'under spenders' and 'over spenders'...I'm not even sure where I fall but I'd guess I'm somewhere in the middle, or somehow kind of twisted up in both? She decides to stop spending in one area...for me that will probably be clothes shopping :) I like to do it and don't think I actually do it 'too much' except for the fact that I do it 'more than my budget allows'. So, I need to pay more attention to my money and remember her thoughts on buying...as it's often based in instant gratification...that soon wears off...

I've been thinking a little bit about what truly makes me happy. Like Gretchen, I have to actually THINK about it; which suggests I'm more in a routine of life than a tuned in response to MY life...what makes ME happy? I've come up with a few things so far, and I know there are tons more...

Doodling/Drawing
Cuddling with my cat
Hiking (especially in winter!)
Reading for pleasure
Baking on Sundays
Practicing yoga
Celebrating the holidays/honoring my memories of the holidays?

Yesterday I spent most of the day with my four year old niece (my two year old nephew was around part of the time until he went to work with Daddy). She and I spent at least a couple of hours doodling and drawing together. It was more fun than I would have even guessed; I was very much into the moment and enjoying her company and creativity (and comments on my drawings, ha ha). I spent time with a favorite person doing a favorite thing...and Playing with a capital P! :)

I'm in agreement with Gretchen that a personal 'Happiness Project' is not selfish...but a true exploration and a way to give something to others...it's not 'giving' if I am just thoughtlessly throwing parts of my 'self' out at the world. Knowing where I'm coming from allows me to choose and contribute the gifts I'd like to contribute...with control and gratitude and happiness :)

What makes YOU happy?

Byram River Swell, Hurricane Irene, August 28 2011

Down and Dirty

www.downanddirtymudrun.com

What have I done? Actually, it's more like what I've NOT done, which is run in a really long time. Last night's 'research run' results came back extremely negative...or, I suppose I could look at it positively as in...it can only get better from here! (with tons of running)...

I'm looking forward to the run and also...getting in better shape. Apparently I'm worse off than I thought!!

The Body Never Lies

The above picture reminds of Seven Chakras Meditation I did on Yogaglo.com (with Harshada Wagner)...

I need chocolate. Now.

Is it the beginnings of PMS or the rainy day that's making me want to eat everything in sight? Oooh or is it a deadly combination of BOTH? Kiss my normal body image goodbye; for the next couple of weeks I will be in HELL.

So far, August has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster (oh good, add emotional eating in to the mix, too) with the loss of my grandmother August 6th, the illness of an aunt in Iowa, the month-long break from classes, and our upcoming vacation which we are very much looking forward to. Desert roses, hiking boots, giant hairy scorpions (yes, I'm serious. And they're nocturnal, which is great because I won't run into one during the day, but it makes me worried that at night they're roaming freely? God help me) have been all that's our minds since we started saving in January and now it's almost here! I've been acting like a scatterbrain lately, too, so I'm looking forward to the breath of fresh (hot) air.

My grandma's passing has been hard; she lived a long life, had four children and lots of grandchildren, and was a tough, but loving, woman. It seems like she really held our family together. Now, as my cousin said regarding her death 'It's the end of an era'. My childhood is marked with her presence, and with my mom's passing in 1993, having her own mom around somehow was comforting. She died a week short of her 97th birthday, which was yesterday. I sort of imagined she'd live forever :) She will never be forgotten, of course, and I will always hold her dear. I thought a lot about how she and my mom are together now, and when I die (hopefully when I"m in my 90's, too) I'll have the two of them waiting for me. Makes it a lot more welcoming of a passage.

Fall will bring a new car for Bob, (he's currently strategizing), a big fat research paper for me, and more vacation anticipation as we prepare for the holidays and our annual trip to Vermont. We've had our eye on a little house about an hour away and will check in when we return from our vacation. We've agreed that if it is still on the market in another month, we will take the next step and see what happens.

For now it's me, the lazy cat, and the rain - happy Sunday!

Grammy

Funny how a couple of posts ago I talked about an upcoming vacation and then the one directly following, I complained about how I'm not going on vacation soon enough. I really need to stop and smell the roses, or the garbage, or whatever is really out there. The real stuff.

A week ago, my 97 year old Grandma fell and broke her leg. She's gone through the surgery and come out on the other side. Now is the healing time, and the uncertainties of what lies ahead. It's put a lot in perspective...and reminded me, again, that there is a whole system out there that I don't understand. Between my grandma's fall and today, I went to the cemetery where my mom is buried. I sat there and told her things, and tried to explain Facebook to her, (just in case she doesn't already know). I walked around the cemetery and looked at the headstones. I thought about life and death.

And then I got to talk to my Grandma today, and tell her I love her.

Stoke Your Soul

Good morning!

I've calmed down since my last post...eeek.

I went on a mini-vacation Fri/Sat to visit one of my closest friends an hour and a half away. We met (at my current office) 6 years ago (or so). She recently took a job elsewhere and moved farther up the line/away from me :(

Friday night we ate at a yummy pizza place filled with hippies and families. The lively atmosphere, giant stone-oven, natural/organic ingredients and beers draws the crowd. We had a good talk over a sausage/mushroom/kalamata olive flatbread. My friend enjoyed an IPA and Magic Hat #9 (she'd never had MH before! I recommended that one from my drinking days that happened to take place mostly in VT). Saturday we hit some shops and a nail salon to get (much needed, in my case) pedicures. My current color? Boathouse: a bright, orangey/pink color sure to add some energy to these rainy days of late.

And now it's Sunday and I'm waking up with my coffee, boyfriend, and cat. What to do today? Organize? Cook? Library? I've done my share of shopping these past couple weekends. Though I need new clothes, especially as a new season falls upon us, I have started to feel a little loose when it comes to budgeting. Is it a stress outlet? Is it a by product of changing my environment and so wanting to really go head first into change?

Whatever it is, so be it...but how do I get back to center?

Meditation! This morning, as my bf goes off to church I will sit down, get quiet, and go inside! It's a bit gloomy outside, which may limit any sort of walking meditation I'd want to engage in today, so the eyes closed, legs crossed (or in my case, sitting on a yoga block) version will do!

Many blessings for your Sunday!

Vacation Hater (Pity Post)

If one more person posts about their vacation plans, I'm going to scream!

Beware: this post is a serious whine fest:

I've never needed a vacation like I need one now, and it totally (in a jealous, bratty kind of way) pains me to hear about everyone else's plans to go tropical/mountain bound/cruising, wish them a fabulous time, and see the tans when they get back.
You know how it is. I know everyone needs a vacation as bad as I do, and we all work our butts off. It's a question of how long I can hang on for while they all let go...

Mind you, I do have Bhakti Fest coming up this Fall. I didn't forget. I know I need to be patient and wait my turn. I'm quite sick of 'waiting my turn', however. This insignificant example of waiting for my vacation is just representative, I suppose, of 'waiting' for other things in my life. It's like playing duck, duck, goose, and never getting to be the goose.

And, through my complaints, I do realize that I'm pretty damn lucky to be able to go on vacation at all. Even a day OFF is a vacation enough; I don't mean that like, I need a trip or a beach or a tan, I just need OUT of the daily grind for a few days.

Ugh. I'm so cranky. Grad school is k-i-l-l-i-n-g me.

See you at BhaktiFest!

Bought our tickets to BhaktiFest 2011 last night!! Let the pre-vacation excitement begin! I love the time leading up to a vacation...full of planning and anticipating and wondering and imagining.

This will be our first time at the festival, after wanting to be part of it last year but having other responsibilities to focus on at the time. We have had more time too, to save up a little bit of money to help us fund it along the way, instead of plopping down a nice chunk all at once.

I'm so excited to spend four days in the desert of California with my honey and 1,000 other devoted yogis! LOL. Good music, good yoga, good sun, good food, and good people!

All the kirtan artists we love will be there, including Krishna Das, Jai Uttal, Wah!, Dave Stringer, David Newman, Govindas and Radha, etc, etc. See you at BhaktiFest!

Jai Ma!

Hi, it's been like, 8 years since I've posted.

The holidays are over!! I like the holidays, but once they're behind me and a new year is upon me, I am often glad that we're through for a while, and routine returns.

School starts this week (omg) and my client hours slug along. What a dip I've experienced! Between the holidays and the massive snowfalls we've had (love!), client hours have come to somewhat of a standstill. Ruh roh. Hopefully they'll pick up again as the new year rolls in and I'll be more-on-my-way to graduation. THIS YEAR I will be a graduate school graduate, assuming all goes well. I can't believe I started this journey two years ago and am already in my final year.

My latest 'thing' is Yogaglo. Man, am I into it right now! It's a website that posts classes recorded in a California studio - and for a low price per month ($18!) I can do all the yoga I want! I've been wanting to create a home practice while really loving the class atmosphere; this seems like a really nice meet-you-in-the-middle practice. Lots of classes to choose from, with varying levels, styles, uses, lengths, and teachers.

I'm a Happy Baby!

On the calendar for 2011-BhaktiFest, Joshua Tree, California, September!!

Into the bhakti, into the bhav!